In the moment

I’ve been trying to live in the moment a lot more lately.

Yesterday instead of pressuring myself to write this blog I went out with J for their birthday. We went to a cat cafe, played board games and went out for dinner with family. Earlier today, when I really *should* have been writing this blog I was spending time chatting with friends and watching Aladdin (the Disney version, puh-lease). I didn’t even know what I was going to write about until I was walking home about ten minutes ago. Did I beat myself up for what I *should* have been doing? Hell no! I was too busy being in the moment.

Can we talk for  a minute about about what an ugly word ‘should’ is? We ‘should’ do this. You ‘should’ do this. I ‘should’ do this. I hate it. As part of embracing the moment lately I have been crossing a line through the word ‘should’. I don’t need to do shit. I just need to be me.

I know what you’re thinking. ‘But Jess, don’t you have responsibilities?’ You’re damn right I do. However there is a difference between how I was handling responsibilities now and how I was a month or two ago. I rule my responsibilities. My responsibilities don’t rule me. I make the rules. If I need a mental health work off day, I take it. If I am working on research from home and I need a nap, I take it.

It’s amazing how easy it is to be in the moment if you make it a priority over these so-called responsibilities. Because something I have realised is that the most important responsibility I have isn’t to my employer, my partner, my family or anybody else for that matter. The most important responsibility I actually have is to myself. To keep myself and my mind well.

Brb.

Just took a break to watch one of my favourite lip syncs from Drag Race because I heard the song in an ad.

It might seem like I’m just procrastinating and being reckless. But I prefer to think of myself as Mr. Keating in Dead Poets Society. I’m seizing the day. Seizing opportunities. Seizing pleasure. Seizing moments before they disappear.

Brb. I’m watching that scene now.

Anyone notice how I the two movies I have referred to in this blog have stared the late, great Robin Williams? One could view that as a coincidence. I would say it is a perfect reflection of what I am trying to say. Rob Williams himself was known for living life on the edge and trying to make the world a better place, even for brief moments, despite his own mental illness. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am trying to be more of that kind of person.

What does living in the moment and seizing the day look like for me? Well, I think you may have realised by this post that it means saying ‘yes’ to myself. When I have the desire to watch something, to say something, to do something I’m going to do it. In tandem, it also means I will be saying no to others more and setting boundaries more defiantly.

Speaking of that, gotta go, my pizza is here and I’m about to watch the footy. This is my ideal moment on a Friday night. Live yours.

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